I've blown a few things in my day
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Are we still banned from the library?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
