All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
