So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
