I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
