i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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