Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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