i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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