i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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