do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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