New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
