i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want nice things and good sex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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