My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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