We won't sleep together?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
