I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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