he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
