idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
