and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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