I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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