I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
