sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
