I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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