peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
