he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
