I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
