he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
