I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
