Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
