is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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