Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
