I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
