I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
