How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
