if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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