yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
