...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
