I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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