Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
