i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
