She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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