wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
