ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
