"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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