Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
