what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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