I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize