Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize