She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
