i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Congratulations! We have a period
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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