I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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