I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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