try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
