Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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