just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
