So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
