your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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