the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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