I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
