do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
