For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
