I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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