K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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