I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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