I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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