my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
