I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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