i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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