Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
