Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
