btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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