I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
