I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
