In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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