i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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