So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
