I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
