i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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