Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
