i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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