Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize