did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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