I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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