Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
