Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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