Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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